What is that they say about counting eggs before they hatch!?
Well it could have been worse! At least there is NO surgery needed!
Well after two weeks of what I belived to be my cycle I went in to see the doctor, it turns out that long of a flow is not normal for anyone! Oops, my bad! I was terrified, given my circumstances that they were going to tell me that I would have to have the d&c but thankfully that is not the case. Although it is not exactly what I wanted to hear. . . . I have a cyst on my right ovary (again) but it is not major. He gave me some meds to help clean everything out and then we'll need to wait one cycle and if everything gets back to normal then we'll be good to go!!
So maybe instead of an August baby we'll have a September or October baby! At this point I could careless when the baby comes, just as long as the baby is healthy!!!
Not much else to add. But I know what is at the TOP of my Christmas Wish List!!!
Waiting patiently has never been my 'gift' . . .
After 42 agonizingly LONG days, it seems things are FINALLY back on track!
Really without trying to seem melodramatic this (to me) would fall into the category with the heading "what doesn't kill you. . . Makes you stronger". I think the hardest thing, especially for a control freak (yes, I admit I have a tendency to do things MY way) this has been entirely a new experience. But now that I feel like things are moving in the right direction, I feel like I have officially survived it.
For the most part, and believe me I have tried hard, I have only had one breakdown day. Other than the day we found out the development had 'stalled' and I bawled uncontrollably, I have only cried one other time. And it was recently, this past Sunday. I was starting into my 6th week since the miscarriage, and all I could think was "OK - now I have been un-pregnant as long as I was pregnant" and that seemed unfair somehow. But I am OK now. I felt trapped before. Like I was STUCK in the miscarriage stage, but now my body seems back on track and not to get crazy sounding but this cycle feels like a purging in ways. Getting out all the 'bad blood' (literally and metaphorically).
My mantra remains "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." -Romans 8:25 I am wise enough to be careful what you wish for - I learned that this week, I prayed to be able to tell the difference between the start of my and the end of my miscarriage and boy did I FEEL the difference. But my faith is a strong as ever and I know that soon we will again be celebrating the news of a Kirk Baby.
God Bless and Lots of Love
- KK
Baby Loss Awareness Day. . .
Remembering Our Baby.
October 15 -
So today is a monumental day for more reasons than one. First off today is Baby Loss Awareness day. It is to raise awareness of how frequently women suffer the loss of a baby due to a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, still birth or the loss of an infant (to SIDS). And to offer support and education to those families who have suffered the loss or who may know families who have suffered a loss.
I am a researcher at heart, I like to know as much as I can about things before I start them. So since I knew we were anticipating trying to conceive this fall I spent many hours over the summer reading books about fertility, and pregnancy and what to expect, etc. . . But NEVER once did I read anything about the risks of loss of this coveted pregnancy. WOW - they are shocking. 1 in 4 first time pregnancies ends in miscarriage within 9 weeks of conception! Think about it, 1 in 4, those odds are HUGE! If the lottery had odds like that we would all be winners!!! But what is more shocking than the odds of loss is that the topic of a miscarriage is the scarlet letter of our society!!!
Everyone wants to talk about trying for a baby, or give you advice when you are pregnant but as soon as the words "I had a miscarriage" or "we lost the baby" crosses your lips, it is as if a haze comes over people. I would like to assume it is because they don't know what to say, or because they are being respectful. I guess the only thing you can say is "I am sorry for your loss, and I am here for you when you need me." THINGS NOT to say, include but are not limited to:
"everything happens for a reason", "it could be worse", "this just wasn't your time". To these comments I say "Well NO shit!" I get that we want a healthy baby and do not want our child to have a hard life due to a deformity or worse. WE know that it could be worse, a m/c at 8 weeks is actually the best of the worst - it was too early to see anything more than a heart beat. We didn't know the sex, or see it move, or prepare for the baby. I would never want to have a 2nd or 3rd trimester loss. No one (of those who are actually trying to conceive) ever hopes to lose a baby, but earlier is better in that case, we understand that now, because we have lived and survived through it.
Part of my inspiration for saying this that after speaking with one of my best friends who was also trying to get pregnant we discovered that we had both suffered a loss almost 3 weeks apart, but that neither of us wanted to tell the other, because we didn't want to upset the other, in case they were pregnant. Which is the point of October 15 - Awareness day - YES pregnancy is exciting and a blessing, and even though no one wants to think about it, a loss is a very real possibility, and women should know that as well as know what to look for and what some signs and symptoms could be, etc. . . For more information on this please visit www.October15th.com
Having said all that, I would like to say that I do have a positive outlook on our future and future pregnancies because I have an amazing husband. He has been so supportive and positive about the whole thing that I can't help but be inspired by him!
The other reason today is a little harder for me, is today was supposed to be "the day". I have learned over the course of my life to never look back. Once things happen, that is it, they are done. Living in the past is not living at all, there is nothing positive or healthy about dwelling where you can never go again. So I have kept that attitude throughout this life lesson. The only thing that makes me pause today, is that today was supposed to have been the start of my second trimester. The day a mom can take a deep breath and breath a little easier. And although I have said my piece on our loss and loss in general I wanted to take a moment and just remember our baby and where it could have been if it was still with us.
This week marks one month since the miscarriage, and I am hopeful that my body is close to getting back on tract. We don't have any more news than that to report yet, but we are hoping to try again as soon as we get the green light from mother nature so here is hoping for some menstrual mojo!
:o)
KK
Remembering Our Baby.
October 15 -
So today is a monumental day for more reasons than one. First off today is Baby Loss Awareness day. It is to raise awareness of how frequently women suffer the loss of a baby due to a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, still birth or the loss of an infant (to SIDS). And to offer support and education to those families who have suffered the loss or who may know families who have suffered a loss.
I am a researcher at heart, I like to know as much as I can about things before I start them. So since I knew we were anticipating trying to conceive this fall I spent many hours over the summer reading books about fertility, and pregnancy and what to expect, etc. . . But NEVER once did I read anything about the risks of loss of this coveted pregnancy. WOW - they are shocking. 1 in 4 first time pregnancies ends in miscarriage within 9 weeks of conception! Think about it, 1 in 4, those odds are HUGE! If the lottery had odds like that we would all be winners!!! But what is more shocking than the odds of loss is that the topic of a miscarriage is the scarlet letter of our society!!!
Everyone wants to talk about trying for a baby, or give you advice when you are pregnant but as soon as the words "I had a miscarriage" or "we lost the baby" crosses your lips, it is as if a haze comes over people. I would like to assume it is because they don't know what to say, or because they are being respectful. I guess the only thing you can say is "I am sorry for your loss, and I am here for you when you need me." THINGS NOT to say, include but are not limited to:
"everything happens for a reason", "it could be worse", "this just wasn't your time". To these comments I say "Well NO shit!" I get that we want a healthy baby and do not want our child to have a hard life due to a deformity or worse. WE know that it could be worse, a m/c at 8 weeks is actually the best of the worst - it was too early to see anything more than a heart beat. We didn't know the sex, or see it move, or prepare for the baby. I would never want to have a 2nd or 3rd trimester loss. No one (of those who are actually trying to conceive) ever hopes to lose a baby, but earlier is better in that case, we understand that now, because we have lived and survived through it.
Part of my inspiration for saying this that after speaking with one of my best friends who was also trying to get pregnant we discovered that we had both suffered a loss almost 3 weeks apart, but that neither of us wanted to tell the other, because we didn't want to upset the other, in case they were pregnant. Which is the point of October 15 - Awareness day - YES pregnancy is exciting and a blessing, and even though no one wants to think about it, a loss is a very real possibility, and women should know that as well as know what to look for and what some signs and symptoms could be, etc. . . For more information on this please visit www.October15th.com
Having said all that, I would like to say that I do have a positive outlook on our future and future pregnancies because I have an amazing husband. He has been so supportive and positive about the whole thing that I can't help but be inspired by him!
The other reason today is a little harder for me, is today was supposed to be "the day". I have learned over the course of my life to never look back. Once things happen, that is it, they are done. Living in the past is not living at all, there is nothing positive or healthy about dwelling where you can never go again. So I have kept that attitude throughout this life lesson. The only thing that makes me pause today, is that today was supposed to have been the start of my second trimester. The day a mom can take a deep breath and breath a little easier. And although I have said my piece on our loss and loss in general I wanted to take a moment and just remember our baby and where it could have been if it was still with us.
This week marks one month since the miscarriage, and I am hopeful that my body is close to getting back on tract. We don't have any more news than that to report yet, but we are hoping to try again as soon as we get the green light from mother nature so here is hoping for some menstrual mojo!
:o)
KK
It's Over Now. . . 
I'll admit, I was beyond scared!!
But now that it is done and over with I can honestly say it wasn't that bad, considering.
So, on my way home from work Wed. the dr.s office called and wanted to discuss the new plan for my miscarriage. Although they didn't see anything else in the u/s on Monday, due to my rising levels they feared there could be an ectopic (pregnancy not in the uterus). So, they induced my miscarriage. They inserted some medication up near the cervix, and told me to expect severe cramping, vomiting, diarrhea and then she said "When the bleeding starts you'll want to just sit on the toilet, it is the easiest clean-up method." I was literally shaking I was so scared, I did not know what would happen or how long it would take, and as stated in the literature, there is no guarantee.
But I have to say Dave was amazing through it all! The cramping began within 30 minutes of them inserting the medicine. They continued to intensify and come more frequently for the next 4 -5 hours, after the most intense cramping I did vomit, and almost passed out from exhaustion. The bleeding began 5 hours after the medicine was inserted and continued to intensify over the next 2 hours. YES that is right I was Carrie from that horror movie, except I was told to try and collect samples! EWWW! By 12:30 am, most of the bleeding was finished, and we were both absolutely exhausted. By tonight, everything is gone, and I just wait for my follow up appointment in the morning to confirm if all of the material was passed. Which I am pretty sure it did.
This was an experience I hope to never live again, but I like to try and take the positive from everything, and what I have gained from this is: 1. I CAN get pregnant - those of you who knows me well may remember that saga 2. My body likes pregnancy b/c it produced the right amounts of all the hormones (and then some) 3. When it is meant to be, it will be.
Hopefully in another 6 to 8 weeks, I'll be posting (again) about the exciting news of a Kirk Baby - and IF we do get pregnant in November, we would have a little Leo baby, which works great for us, because that is our schools Mascot! GO LIONS!!!!
I'll admit, I was beyond scared!!
But now that it is done and over with I can honestly say it wasn't that bad, considering.
So, on my way home from work Wed. the dr.s office called and wanted to discuss the new plan for my miscarriage. Although they didn't see anything else in the u/s on Monday, due to my rising levels they feared there could be an ectopic (pregnancy not in the uterus). So, they induced my miscarriage. They inserted some medication up near the cervix, and told me to expect severe cramping, vomiting, diarrhea and then she said "When the bleeding starts you'll want to just sit on the toilet, it is the easiest clean-up method." I was literally shaking I was so scared, I did not know what would happen or how long it would take, and as stated in the literature, there is no guarantee.
But I have to say Dave was amazing through it all! The cramping began within 30 minutes of them inserting the medicine. They continued to intensify and come more frequently for the next 4 -5 hours, after the most intense cramping I did vomit, and almost passed out from exhaustion. The bleeding began 5 hours after the medicine was inserted and continued to intensify over the next 2 hours. YES that is right I was Carrie from that horror movie, except I was told to try and collect samples! EWWW! By 12:30 am, most of the bleeding was finished, and we were both absolutely exhausted. By tonight, everything is gone, and I just wait for my follow up appointment in the morning to confirm if all of the material was passed. Which I am pretty sure it did.
This was an experience I hope to never live again, but I like to try and take the positive from everything, and what I have gained from this is: 1. I CAN get pregnant - those of you who knows me well may remember that saga 2. My body likes pregnancy b/c it produced the right amounts of all the hormones (and then some) 3. When it is meant to be, it will be.
Hopefully in another 6 to 8 weeks, I'll be posting (again) about the exciting news of a Kirk Baby - and IF we do get pregnant in November, we would have a little Leo baby, which works great for us, because that is our schools Mascot! GO LIONS!!!!
An Unexpected Turn. . . .
Well, I must say I was blindsided by this one.
As stated before, we got to see Baby Kirk at 6 weeks, and it had a nice little flicker of a heartbeat, so when I went to my 8 week appointment yesterday, I was very excited to see how much it was going to look like a baby now. Boy was I shocked when the doctor couldn't find anything with the ultrasound machine. But she said sometimes the baby can hide in a swollen uterus, so she went and got a technican specialist to come do the exam.
They did find something, it was the remains of Baby Kirk, it seems the baby stopped developing at 6 weeks 0 days, and had actually begun being reabsorbed by my body. So, we went from talking about prenatals, to talking about how to pass the "material". The doctor is hopeful that this will pass on it's own. I had to give blood yesterday and have to go back Friday to do another draw. This will show (hopefully) that my levels are dropping naturally and I won't need medical intervention.
I have to say, this was a huge shocker. And as I write this, my nurse is telling me that my levels have increased from 22,000 to over 97,000 that is certainly NOT what I wanted to hear. Now they are checking to see what I am going to need to do for my next step, since my body has not recognized that the baby is no longer developing.
Well, I must say I was blindsided by this one.
As stated before, we got to see Baby Kirk at 6 weeks, and it had a nice little flicker of a heartbeat, so when I went to my 8 week appointment yesterday, I was very excited to see how much it was going to look like a baby now. Boy was I shocked when the doctor couldn't find anything with the ultrasound machine. But she said sometimes the baby can hide in a swollen uterus, so she went and got a technican specialist to come do the exam.
They did find something, it was the remains of Baby Kirk, it seems the baby stopped developing at 6 weeks 0 days, and had actually begun being reabsorbed by my body. So, we went from talking about prenatals, to talking about how to pass the "material". The doctor is hopeful that this will pass on it's own. I had to give blood yesterday and have to go back Friday to do another draw. This will show (hopefully) that my levels are dropping naturally and I won't need medical intervention.
I have to say, this was a huge shocker. And as I write this, my nurse is telling me that my levels have increased from 22,000 to over 97,000 that is certainly NOT what I wanted to hear. Now they are checking to see what I am going to need to do for my next step, since my body has not recognized that the baby is no longer developing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
