Remembering Our Baby.
October 15 -
So today is a monumental day for more reasons than one. First off today is Baby Loss Awareness day. It is to raise awareness of how frequently women suffer the loss of a baby due to a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, still birth or the loss of an infant (to SIDS). And to offer support and education to those families who have suffered the loss or who may know families who have suffered a loss.
I am a researcher at heart, I like to know as much as I can about things before I start them. So since I knew we were anticipating trying to conceive this fall I spent many hours over the summer reading books about fertility, and pregnancy and what to expect, etc. . . But NEVER once did I read anything about the risks of loss of this coveted pregnancy. WOW - they are shocking. 1 in 4 first time pregnancies ends in miscarriage within 9 weeks of conception! Think about it, 1 in 4, those odds are HUGE! If the lottery had odds like that we would all be winners!!! But what is more shocking than the odds of loss is that the topic of a miscarriage is the scarlet letter of our society!!!
Everyone wants to talk about trying for a baby, or give you advice when you are pregnant but as soon as the words "I had a miscarriage" or "we lost the baby" crosses your lips, it is as if a haze comes over people. I would like to assume it is because they don't know what to say, or because they are being respectful. I guess the only thing you can say is "I am sorry for your loss, and I am here for you when you need me." THINGS NOT to say, include but are not limited to:
"everything happens for a reason", "it could be worse", "this just wasn't your time". To these comments I say "Well NO shit!" I get that we want a healthy baby and do not want our child to have a hard life due to a deformity or worse. WE know that it could be worse, a m/c at 8 weeks is actually the best of the worst - it was too early to see anything more than a heart beat. We didn't know the sex, or see it move, or prepare for the baby. I would never want to have a 2nd or 3rd trimester loss. No one (of those who are actually trying to conceive) ever hopes to lose a baby, but earlier is better in that case, we understand that now, because we have lived and survived through it.
Part of my inspiration for saying this that after speaking with one of my best friends who was also trying to get pregnant we discovered that we had both suffered a loss almost 3 weeks apart, but that neither of us wanted to tell the other, because we didn't want to upset the other, in case they were pregnant. Which is the point of October 15 - Awareness day - YES pregnancy is exciting and a blessing, and even though no one wants to think about it, a loss is a very real possibility, and women should know that as well as know what to look for and what some signs and symptoms could be, etc. . . For more information on this please visit www.October15th.com
Having said all that, I would like to say that I do have a positive outlook on our future and future pregnancies because I have an amazing husband. He has been so supportive and positive about the whole thing that I can't help but be inspired by him!
The other reason today is a little harder for me, is today was supposed to be "the day". I have learned over the course of my life to never look back. Once things happen, that is it, they are done. Living in the past is not living at all, there is nothing positive or healthy about dwelling where you can never go again. So I have kept that attitude throughout this life lesson. The only thing that makes me pause today, is that today was supposed to have been the start of my second trimester. The day a mom can take a deep breath and breath a little easier. And although I have said my piece on our loss and loss in general I wanted to take a moment and just remember our baby and where it could have been if it was still with us.
This week marks one month since the miscarriage, and I am hopeful that my body is close to getting back on tract. We don't have any more news than that to report yet, but we are hoping to try again as soon as we get the green light from mother nature so here is hoping for some menstrual mojo!
:o)
KK
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